Thank you everyone for your nice thoughts yesterday.
I can’t get nursing help for Mom because she refuses to consider it and I can’t contract it on her behalf (or apply for it) because she has not given me any power of attourny. As far as I know, the only way around that is to have her declared non compos mentos which she obviously is not. She did have me dig out Grandmother’s walker… but I don’t think she intends to use it.
The Virtual Wren 
Wait a tick–she was dizzy/hurting/what-have-you enough that she couldn’t take herself to the toilet or clean up after herself afterward, but she won’t even consider in-home care? It just falls to you–you, who also have two daughters to take care of in various ways, plus animals, plus an out-of-the-home job–to take care of her, and who cares what toll it takes on you?
Well, I care. I know I’m just some schmoe on the internet, and I know it’s none of my business, but I’m seriously upset about the way she treats you, because to me, it sounds manipulative and very nearly down-right abusive. As you said, it’s not a sustainable situation. You’re awesome, so I’m sure you’ll work it out, but… I worry.
At any rate, as before, I’m thinking of you and hoping for the best.
this is all very well said.
Actually, it is both but I can really only do one of two things- deal with it or walk away. She’s been that way all my life- she’s not about to change. And I really don’t want to just walk away- I’d have trouble living with myself if I did that.
That makes sense to me. (And indeed, it’s not a situation I’m unfamiliar with.) Wishing you the best as you deal with it, then. *hugs*
Your mother is the proverbial brick wall. It’s not sustainable, but what’s it going to take to make HER realize that?
Me again — I don’t want to sound entirely unsympathetic to her. I know your mom is scared of being old and needing help and losing her independence — mine was too; I think we all are. But being in stubborn denial about it does no one any good, not you, not her, not even her dignity. Her dignity would fare better if she accepted the situation with grace and dealt with it as it is, than finding herself butt-naked and soiled on the floor waiting for someone to pick her up.
Yeah- but you know what she’s like.
She’s refusing it because she can.
If you stop taking care of her, she won’t be able to continue to refuse.
As awful as this is going to sound – you need to leave her to figure it out. You are allowed to have limits. It is grossly unfair to you that she is doing this. I know she is frustrated, and upset, and likely embarrassed, but she cannot take over your life because it is her preference not to have to have a nurse come in.
oxoxoxoxo thinking of you
You know, I’ll do just as much as I can and when it’s not enough and she falls again, I’m going to not let her come home without some in home care.
I agree with ZenKitty, though my grouchy mood led to my very terse initial comment.
The thing is… zenkitty is right: mom is scared of age and she doesn’t want to believe that she’s aging. My mom recently referred to herself as middle aged. Um no mom, that would be me not you. No one likes to think of themselves as being as old as we are. It’s just human nature. The problem is that she is killing you here. You are only one person and she is driving you to the edge. You can’t do everything. As you have said previously, you are not a trained nurse. Additionally, you are trying to raise a daughter who, while maturing, still requires effort to raise. Plus, you are trying to support the family, work a job, take care of a home… you are one person.
And I wish there were some way to make her see what she’s doing to you. Or, if she does see it? To care…
I gave up on making my Mom actually care for me instead of just go through the motions quite a long time ago.