I have discovered that the knotted up back is from stress (possibly aided and abetted by the mattress). No real surprise there. But what I didn’t understand was what new source of stress had come about recently because I should be used to all the ones that have been hanging around awhile. I woke up at 2am this morning and in spite of being exhausted, I couldn’t go back to sleep. Ok, so what’s got me so upset I can’t sleep?
My head has it that we should be writing on it until it’s done. In one way, yes, ok… but the head has it that we should do this in one go. Ok, now that’s just not going to happen. Even if I lived in a hotel and had meals delivered and had no phone or internet or tv, we would still not be doing it in one go- I need breaks, damn it!
And I would just love to know who or what convinced my subconscious that everything has to be finished once it’s started before I quit.
But obviously I’m not going to be able to carve out enough time in any day to write the whole thing… and that’s what’s been making me feel like I have no time. I have bits here and there- it’s not unmanageable. But I’m not going to have more than an hour or two of my own at any one time. So now I have to diffuse the stress about it.